Rosebud

Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! I hope I didn’t brain my damage. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…

• You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
• Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk.
• Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

A Fish Called Selma

Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Jesus must be spinning in his grave! I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.

The Last Temptation of Homer

Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

1. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
2. A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
3. He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!

Hurricane Neddy

Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.