Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

The Last Temptation of Homer

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!

• I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
• Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
• Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
• Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Thank you, steal again. Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! Marge, just about everything’s a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.

1. I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
2. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

Hurricane Neddy

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.