Beauty and the Beast

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Ideas

I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I’m a sociopath; there’s not much he can do for me. Tonight’s the night. And it’s going to happen again and again. It has to happen. Tonight’s the night. And it’s going to happen again and again. It has to happen.

Dex, Lies, and Videotape

I’m partial to air conditioning. I’m not the monster he wants me to be. So I’m neither man nor beast. I’m something new entirely. With... Read more »

Amy’s Choice

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Twitter

I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens!

The Next Doctor

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. Did I mention we have comfy chairs?

I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy... Read more »

Afternoon delight

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SEO

I’m a monster. As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. I’m afraid I just blue myself. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Mr. F

Whoa, this guy’s straight? Well, what do you expect, mother? I’ve opened a door here that I regret. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. Say goodbye to these, because it’s the last time!

Michael! We just call it a... Read more »

That’s Lobstertainment

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Branding

And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler, who’s gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers? No, I’m Santa Claus! Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? …To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? …To shreds, you say. Check it out, y’all. Everyone who was invited is here. Can we have Bender Burgers again?

The Honking

And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed... Read more »

Rebirth

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User Experience

Rebirth

Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun! And yet you haven’t said what I told you to say! How can any of us trust you? This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.

Less Than Hero

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. But I’ve never been to the moon! As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead. You mean while I’m sleeping in it? I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it... Read more »

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